The Week’s Best Tweets 4

Here’s some funny tweets from Twitter from the week!  Happy Friday!

Seems silly to me that axes aren’t called chopsticks.


 I’m fine not knowing how tall your baby is until he stands up. You don’t need to tell me how many “inches long” he is.


 I keep trying to order the golden retrievers from the L.L. Bean catalogue but they keep saying things like “stop calling this number at 2am”


 People would consider me a lot sexier if they realized how close “very clumsy” is to “a little dangerous.”


 just beat the high score on my calorie counter app


 “you know me, I never cry” – a girl who is about to tell you a story where she cried about something stupid.


 In a surprising turn of events, I feel like I might be less than 10 years from becoming “guy who talks way too much to store clerks.”


 Me? I’m like IKEA furniture. It takes a long time to figure me out but in the end I’m just ok and my name is Franthroperlg.


 Unbelievably excited to announce that I have quit my job to pursue stress eating full time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


DINNERTIME FOOD IDEAS FROM MY SON “Can we put Nutella on our salmon and call it salmonella?” This has been DINNERTIME FOOD IDEAS FROM MY SON


 No one in our family will answer my son anymore when he says “Guess what?” This parable is called “The Boy Who Cried ‘Chicken Butt’.”


 It’s almost African American Friday!!! What am I suppose to do again??


 “Don’t call it a comeback. I’ve been here for years.” – Racism


 Starbucks hack: When they ask for your name, give them your favorite Bible verse. Now they’ll have to write it on your cup!


 I’m so Catholic I feel guilty driving past a billboard for a strip club. Especially if it’s one I own.


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