The Week’s Best Tweets 9

Merry Christmas!!! Loved reading everyone’s Christmas tweets this week. Apparently, traveling home makes for good material. Here are the best tweets from the week:

Which airport has the best restrooms for a nervous breakdown?

I mostly got married so I could have someone to cover-two-checkout-lanes-and-switch-to-the-faster-one with.

 

Deep down, I know I’m a Hufflepuff. And it makes me sadder than you could ever know.

 

Coworker- We’re all going out for drinks, you in?
Me- Ooooh, I would, but I hear there’s this new documentary about murder on Netflix sowwy

 

I just saw Santa at a Costco buying a case of Red Bull and he was muttering “I can’t DO this anymore” over & over & over.

 

It’s weird that they don’t have commercials for books. Why not? They could. They could have em so easily.

 

I’m 0 for 103 on sharing a flight with best-selling recording artist and actor Harry Connick, Jr.

 

 If you call me on the phone I don’t want to talk to you.

 

“Checking it twice” is the most disturbing part. if Santa needs to check his list at all, it means he’s fallible. how many wrongly get coal?

 

 Jerry Seinfeld has finally had a black President on Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee.

 

Giving someone a gift card for Christmas is a great way to say “nope, you’re not done running errands.”

 

You know you made a good movie when people say “a Beethoven Dog” like it’s a breed and everyone knows what that means.

 

 I like engagement photos because in them the couple is always like, “we have no place being on this farm, but, hey, we’re in love!!”

 

 Make sure to leave the price tags on the gifts you give so your friends and family know exactly how much they’re worth to you.

 

 When I was a cashier at a supermarket one of my favorite things to do was ask “Are these bananas?” before ringing up shoppers’ bananas.

 

 When it comes down to it, The Twelve Days Of Christmas is just a song about a lady’s weird boyfriend buying her like 23 birds

 

Merry Christmas, everyone!
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