The Week’s Best Tweets 8

Lots of cookie making in our house this week. In all my 30 something years, I have never thought to make my own gingerbread house. I’ve made plenty from kits or graham crackers but never from scratch. Yesterday, our 12 year old decided to make one from scratch. And she did.  Just needs to finish the chimney today.  Hope you’ve have had a great week getting ready for Christmas!  Here’s the week’s funniest twitter tweets:

 

Sometimes I’ll ask rhetorically “Why have a bicycle when you can have two unicycles?” and just let people decide for themselves what I mean

 

WILL SMITH: Tell de truth. Tell de truth!
ME: Sometimes I take an extra Costco sample “for my kid” and just eat both of them.

 

 When a man is desperate he will eat baby yogurt. I’ve heard.

 

My coworkers have alluded to my “dancing skills” at our holiday party enough times now that I’m pretty sure I’m the butt of some inside joke

 

I found a piece of broccoli in my bed last night. Use to be cookie crumbs. Am I a grown up now?

 

I have the nickname “Grease Lightning” but I don’t have a really fast car, just the skin of a 15 year old.

 

I got dumped by a Joshua so the phrase, “Just joshin’ ya” has a much darker meaning to me than to most.

 

I feel like every day that I put on real pants I should make someone’s “Best Dressed” list

 

I don’t like that “infused” just means “placed in liquid,” and I feel strongly that there should be lasers involved in the process.

 

Chris is short for Christmas, by the way. My name is Christmas Scott. I was named after Christmas.

 

In 2016 instead of Twitter I am going to just write my thoughts on scraps of paper and burn them. I will keep the 140 character limit.

 

“I hate Cyber Mondays” -Cyber Garfield

he sees you when you’re tweeting ?

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